Here goes.
I know this is a DIY blog. I know you come here for ideas about decorating, and making your home cozy and comfortable and beautiful. I get it. I know my place, and I work hard to provide that place for you, and for me. Problem is, sometimes..a lot of times, I feel like I owe you, owe myself, owe the world a bit more. So I’m posting my heart here today. And it has NOTHING to do with paint, or power tools or pretty things. I know that you can and will, vote with your feet, or in this case your fingertips. If you hate what I have to say, I may lose you forever with this soul-bearing post. And that would be sad. At the same time, I feel compelled to share this. Please know that this sappy, heartfelt “stuff” will not become the norm here, pinky swear. BUT, if once in a while I have a “moment” with you here on this blog via the www…I hope you’ll allow me and love me nonetheless.
In Defense of Being Average. Reflections after the Paris attacks.
My 2nd grader brought home a sealed envelope the other day. Inside was a report card. Delving back into the depths of my aging mind, I recalled how excited I used to feel on report card days. And so I opened the envelope with happy expectancy. Slowly, like Ryan Seacrest on finale night of American Idol, I drew the crisp white results out. Gazing down the lengthy columns, my eyes halted at a letter. The letter “C.”
Muffling a gasp of horror, I turned away slightly trying to hide my look of utter disapproval. A “C”? What on earth is that letter doing on MY child’s report card? WE DON’T DO “C’s” in this house! WE are not AVERAGE people!
Then I caught a glimpse of his face. That second grader of mine, with his disheveled hair, and quirky smile with only half a set of teeth. His eyes seeking information, seeking approval. Seeking love.
When I was in school, I pressured myself to always try for number one. A “B+” was failure. When I didn’t make the team, I was a loser. When I didn’t get voted into student government, or get chosen as homecoming queen, or have my face in the yearbook above the caption “Prettiest Smile”, I wasn’t making the cut, in my book. I was worthless. It was extreme.
In this day and age, we see a lot of “extreme.” Extreme diets where we eat two food groups and turn our backs on the other three for eternity. Extreme parenting where we either allow our kids to dive with great whites at age two, or prevent them from leaving the house until they are twenty-one. Extreme sports, extreme home makeovers, extreme couponing, even extreme selfies for goodness sake. And I certainly think it’s safe to say that politics and the exploitation of religion are becoming more and more polarizing. More and more extreme.
These past few days, I’ve stared at my computer screen once again in absolute shock and disbelief over the most heinous and heartbreaking results of extreme. The news out of France is horrifying. It’s sad. It’s torturous. It’s too much to bear sometimes, isn’t it? What we choose to do to each other? To ourselves? Why is this? What is it about extreme that is so bloody appealing?
And that’s when I realize…there is a lot to be said for average.
What would happen if more of us could see and appreciate shades of gray in our religious and political persuasions, rather than just imagining the world as black and white? Or if we took time to study the Bible and the Torah and the Quran before we stood on our pious soapboxes mocking others’ beliefs? Perhaps if we saw how much “sameness” we all share rather focusing with laser intensity on these supposed “differences”.
I googled the phrase “similarities between the Bible and the Quran”, just for kicks. 164,000 hits appeared. And how about this little piece of trivia…did you know that race and ethnicity are almost indistinguishable in our genetic code? It’s true. Not super unique. Humans just aren’t that different from each other — not our religions, not our genes, nothing. We are mostly all just average. And that is GREAT. We’re the same, you and me. Just two mixed up people living either in Winnipeg, or Helsinki, or Timbuktu, or Jersey City… No matter. No difference. We’re just people. Same same. Screw those extremists. They don’t speak for us.
There’s this big bell curve. We learned about it in math class. And inside, there is ample room for most of us. It’s comfy in there. It’s a happy. Inside, we get along and we like each other because we can agree to disagree. We don’t have uber strong opinions about most things. We like pizza. We like hugs. We pay our taxes (begrudgingly). But for some reason, people are trying hard to stray outside that big, comfortable bell. I’m guilty myself. Somehow we think that we’re missing out if we’re in the middle. That’s not to say we shouldn’t do our best, or try new things or be creative. But we shouldn’t push so far to the fringes that we become removed from our commonality, from reality. Or to a place where we trade love and acceptance for intolerance and hate. Us humans are pack animals. We’re not lone wolves. When we try to escape the pack, we end up alone. Forget the extremes. The middle of the curve is the place to be, I’m convinced.
We need more average. More “C’s.”
Finally, I meet my 2nd grader’s big, brown searching eyes. This child who smiles easily, laughs readily, and is not stingy with kisses or praise. This little boy whose #1 crime to date has been telling a little girl that he wanted to marry her on the playground. A little soul whose top priorities include playing with his trains and eating his veggies at supper so that he can be considered “dessert eligible”. My little man worked his little tail off to bring home that “C.” He struggles with math, but tries so hard. And his efforts yielded a big, honking C. I give him a squeeze. I kiss his sweet little forehead. “We must celebrate” I say. “Because YOU, my little angel, are going to change the world.”
Carrie @ Kenarry: Ideas for the Home says
I finally got a chance to read this, Heather and am so glad I did. Thank you for sharing your heart and your perspective. This is incredibly thought provoking and so true – trying your best is what matters most, even if your best is average. I get the part about being an over achiever, but why people gravitate to the extremes is beyond me, particularly when it comes to harming themselves or others. Why, oh why? Thanks for veering from your usual DIY posts. This was worth saying.
Becky says
While waiting for everyone to get here today i decided to blog read and I found your blog for the first time!!! AMEN MOMMA! nothing wrong with a C and nothing wrong with being average! In todays world of BIG butts and showing them to the world to what is going on in the world…. I just want the simple average time back!
Mary Roberts says
What a pleasure it was to read your post. Thank you and give a big hug to the wee man from me I never got on well with maths either!
creativejewishmom/sara says
Really beautiful post! Thanks for sharing on craft schooling Sunday!
Darlene says
Cheers to you for “keeping it real”!! I appreciate your honesty and will continue to enjoy reading blogs like yours 🙂
Darlene
Mary-the boondocks blog says
Heather these are all things we know but sometimes we need them to be pointed out to us. Of course all this resonates with the tragic events of the past few days. No, these extremists do not represent most of us. Even the Greek philosophers were big supporters of “Metron” which is a balance, a harmony, no extremes on either end.
I’m a mom of 4 and I’ve had my ups and downs with schools. I always say to them to not compare themselves to the others but to see how far you’ve come. You hug your little man because he is moving forward every day!! And I’ll tell you a secret, I don’t understand common core math either, and I was an honors student in high school.
Becky says
Heather, great post! As a parent, I try to acknowledge the effort and not just the outcome but I will admit its not always easy. Its hard to watch the news or turn on your computer and not have some sort of feelings of sadness and/or fear. I find it just as hard to explain what’s going on to the kiddos. At the end of the day it makes me want to notice and celebrate the little things.
Lauren says
Yes yes yes and YES! All of this, every last bit of it is so completely true and delves so much into what I’ve also thought lately. I taught high school English for five years, and it always killed me when the state education system expected all A+ marks from all students across the board like teachers are factory workers who can churn out these top notch students like cogs on a conveyor belt. Average is awesome if average is your best! It kills me when I see people on social media only pointing out the extremists. There are extreme Christians just as there are extreme Muslims, and those extremists for either religious group don’t actually represent the true values of those religions at all. The extreme left and extreme right in politics drives me batty. I don’t agree with everything Republicans do, and I don’t agree with everything Democrats do, and those extremes and people labeling themselves as one or the other without any consideration of the “gray areas” are driving our nation apart. Anyways, I’m rambling. I’ve struggled with seeing what’s happening in the U.S. lately. Thank you, Heather, for writing this.
Sally says
This is an excellent post. The horrifying events in Paris keep invading my thought. I don’t understand how this much hate is glorified by killing innocent people.
Heather says
I know Sally. I know. It’s beyond comprehension.
Susan the Farm Quilter says
Beautiful post! As a Type A in college, I didn’t just want an A, but I wanted the highest A in the class…stressed myself to the max to get there and when I got an A- I was so angry! When getting my master’s degree, while teaching high school and raising two teenage daughters alone, when I got 1 B, I didn’t even care…finally figured out that no one really looks at your GPA after you graduate!!! You treated your son’s report card perfectly, because you obviously know your son very well! So what if he struggles with math (my least favorite subject), Einstein’s teachers in his early years thought he was “slow”, so who knows where your son will end up. He already knows how to try his hardest and he also knows that his efforts are recognized and appreciated by the people he loves the most…so important because right now his self-worth is so tied up in your approval of him. Awesome job, mom! You are raising a son to be so very proud of!!! Besides, this “new math” crap they are teaching kids these days is HORRIBLE!!!
Heather says
That is so interesting about Einstein! I had no idea, although I’m not surprised, either, right?! Glad to know another reformed Type A student. I was the same in grad school…had finally figured out to calm the hell down a bit. It’s a process. Still learning. Self worth is the most important. You’re so right. Thanks so much for reading. And thanks so much for your thoughts.
Joanna says
Your story touched my heart today. Anybody that is doing their best, should be hugged, rewarded and acknowledged. And, you did just that. Yes, it’s quite ok to be “average”.
Heather says
Thank you so much for your comment, Joanna. These “touchy” type posts are not easy to write, and I worry when I write them that they won’t be well-received. I really appreciate your comment.
Jenny says
Every word was perfection. I could see myself through your words and I love the way that you put it all into perspective.
Heather says
Jenny, THANK YOU so much for that. It’s hard writing these kind of posts, so I really appreciate your kind words.
Kim says
Heather, I’m so glad you stepped out from your diy posts and shared your heart. So well said!!
Heather says
Thanks so much Kim. I really appreciate you reading it. Always makes me nervous to write posts like this…just waiting for the slew of “unsubscribes” to hit my box tomorrow. But at the end of the day, this is real life, and it’s important in my eyes, so all I can do is be honest and speak what I feel, you know? Really appreciate YOU, and your comment 🙂
Donna McGee says
This was absolutely BEAUTIFUL! I was one of those that struggled with Math, as well. My Dad could never understand how I could get a “C”, but get a “1” for effort. I asked the Teacher and he said, “If I thought you got this “C” by not trying your hardest, I’d have given you a “3” for effort.” That made me feel so much better. From then on, my Dad always celebrated my efforts, and then the grade was secondary. Your little guy is very fortunate that you are not an impulsive parent, one who reacts THEN thinks about the situation. I’ll bet he felt bad, but once he saw your reaction and felt the hugs, he felt better. I will take being ‘average’ any day. Sending hugs!
Heather says
Thanks for sharing this story, Donna. I’m glad to hear that your Dad treated the situation like that. I appreciate you, as always, reading and relating 🙂 You are a treasure!!