You guys probably know this by now. Usually, I’m a happy camper. At the moment though, I’m not so happy. And my camper is
stuck in the mud.I’m feeling zapped. Like I’m spinning my wheels a bit, and I just can’t get back on track. I feel like I’m just going through the motions right now.
paint this blah blah blah…
hammer that yada yada yada.
I don’t know. Just feels meh. I have a longstanding tradition of traveling through the weeds every now and then. I go into pondering mode. I think about the meaning of life. Whether I’m doing what I’m meant to be doing.
Am I helping enough? Am I making a difference? Am I living up to my potential? And typically, when I’m taking this familiar test with my sharpened #2, the correct answer to fill in is always D. NONE OF THE ABOVE.
And I start feeling like this…
But being in exasperated mode is kind of tiring. So I’ll decide it’s time to put the pjs on and I crawl into self-pity mode. Actually, that’s just a bold-faced lie. I was already wearing the pj’s. Regardless, self-pity mode never lasts too long for me. Why?
I have a superhuman bitch-slap mode.
She gets all up in my face “WTH are you complaining about?” bitch-slap mode will sneer at me. “You have NOTHING to be down about.” “You’ve GOT to be kidding me with this whining crap. That’s ridiculous.” And then bitch-slap mode will make me take the sheet off from over my head. She’ll yank me out of bed and open the shades.
And force me to look around. And turn on the news. Then she’ll say, “SEE. I told you to stop whining. Look at all this sewage others are being forced to wade through, and you’re complained about a little mud?” And she’s right. That bitchy bitch-slap lady is always right. So I don’t afford myself the luxury of hanging out in the self-pity zone too long.
So from self-pity mode, I kind of run straight into staring into space mode.
And this very mode is where I happen to be at this precise moment. Staring at a screen and thinking, “WTH should I write about?” I dunno. So, here’s my ask.
what can I do for you?
Tell me. I will NOT be publicizing this post. I’m only sending it to you, the members of our little flock. What can I show you, teach you, make for you? Is there anything I told you I’d write about and haven’t done it yet?
Is there anything you NEVER want me to write about again (i.e. this very post)…TELL ME. LEAVE ME A COMMENT. Or two comments. Please break my stare. I need to get off my duff, take a shower, and become a functioning member of society today.
So first things first, I’m going to grab more coffee, and do some daily affirmation. Like this…
And now for that shower.
Screw it. Think I’ll go eat lunch instead.
Sandi Magle says
I had to grin just a bit, here. Not at you, but with you. We all tend to be—too perfect, too-just for show, too-CREATIVE-when we are simply recycling someone-else’s ideas, too-mindful of the ‘marketplace’ and not mindful enough of our own souls.
Venting is healthy. I lived a productive-creative life as an artist-potter for over forty some years. I found, I had to have down time in order to function–Down time began December 26th and sometimes lasted into February. I read, I sewed, I watched TV, I attended a few trade shows–I went into every greenhouse within driving distance. I recharged, sooner or later-out would come the sketch book, when the recharging finally began to sputter.
This is why at this stage in my life–blogging will not become a business, because my creative muse has simply decided to retire. She resurfaces now and then for me–and then I share.
Good luck and give your brain and muse some time and space to recharge. You never know where she may take you, Sandi
Sandi, you are so very wise. As always, I very much APPRECIATE and VALUE your input, opinions and advice. I think that I may have to think of adopting your downtime rule after the holidays. It’s always a time that I feel I just need to sit. And breathe. And let my mind go blank for a while. But I’ve never afforded myself the luxury. And while I do have to work to live, I need to try to give myself a minute to just stop, so that I can do what I love to do when my batteries are fuller. Thanks so much for your comment, and your investment in this space. You are a treasure.
Ah, Stuart Smalley. Love it!
Ideas: I don’t remember if you have pets. . . but I sure would love a non-ugly way to store my dog and cat food. Non-ugly and space-effective!
Curtains: I live in a small enough home that we really do need to push the couches against the walls. That puts the windows right behind the couches and so there’s no room for floor-length curtains. What else looks good?
Those ideas may or may not be your specialties, but they’re whats been on my mind lately. For years.
Glad I’m not the only one who loves a little Stuart Smalley ?! That is a tough predicament with the sofas and curtains. What about roman shades that were only the long enough to hit the top of the sofa when fully extended?? Those would look good during the day, and at night be really functional if you let them down. ???
We don’t have “real” pets, i.e. cats/dogs since we have a little dude w/ allergies here. But we DO have guinea pigs, and I’m in the same boat w/ their hay and food. If I come up w/ any genius ideas on it, I will be sure to run it by you and credit you when it becomes the best post on this blog ?